Saturday, September 27, 2003

A Matter of Focus

6.8 Km, 34:00.2, Sunny 6°C, light wind

There are two main facets of my life to this point.

  1. I don't want to be predictable and I strive to be different from the run of the mill person, and
  2. my best yardstick for my achievement is what other people think of me.
These two servants help me stagger my way through lift.

Servant One helps me to be spontaneous, creative, unique, flexible and humorous. But the bumbling fool gets in the way of my sticking to a schedule, planning things out carefully, being repeatable and being consistent. Servant Two helps me be a very be conscientious, sensitive to other peoples feelings, responsive, loving and giving. In short, Two helps me care. Two trips me up too, though. He keeps me from seeing my own value, makes me second guess my own accomplishments, has me feeling insufficient and makes me long to 'prove myself' all the time.

These two servants are part of the central core of me. They influence everything I do and think. They never leave my side. Their positive aspects add light to my life and their negative aspects have a detrimental effect on my sense of well being.

The catch is that I can't let these servants go without losing the better half of me. I can't dismiss the self reproving and retain the hard worker. I would have to let go of the spontaneity along with the erratic planning style.

Do you have servants that are the root of both good things and bad things in your life?

What are they?

Come on, take a chance and tell me about it.

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