Carpe Diem

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4 Miles, 32:02.11, Overcast 3°C, 5 km wind

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Carpe Diem - Latin for seize the day.

I was high-jacked by friends to go and see a movie tonight; "The Life of David Gale" starring Kevin Spacey, Kate Winslet & Laura Linney. It was a difficult and engaging movie about Capital Punishment and Idealism and was also a bit like a murder mystery. There was also an under-current of the inevitability of death and the courage to face it.

After the movie, my friend gave me a ride home and we got to talking. I told her I was feeling selfish for spending so much money and time on training for and going to the Seattle Marathon.

"Just think of all the homeless people that could be fed if the tens of thousands of runners stayed home," I said. "What about the quality time with my family that I am giving up for this crazy hobby?" It makes running seem so foolish and selfish.

My friend, who has recently experienced more the her share of people close to her dying, gave me this advice.

"You have to follow your passions, because death can come suddenly and you may not have a tomorrow."

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Well there is no doubt in my mind that running marathons is a passion of mine. I am registered in the Seattle marathon at the end of November; the debit has shown up on my Visa. I am going!

Eventually, you can look up finish times for Tim, Rita, Gina, Chris, Alesha, and Bonnie once they are posted.

Running is a powerful drug and most runners go into withdrawal when they don't/can't get a fix.

Ants go working...

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No Run, 30 to 40 km winds

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On the way home from work today I got to thinking about the value of what I am doing with my life. Although the work I accomplish is valuable (they wouldn't pay my wage if there was no value, would they?) It seems to me that it could easily be done by someone else. With billions of workers on the planet, I can hardly have a unique talent.

In what way is what I do special? How do I contribute to a world filled with worker-drones?

An ant hill has millions of virtually identical worker ants. Genetically, they are identical twin sisters. Almost like photocopies. Each ant wanders around ready to do any task that comes to hand (or perhaps pincher?) "There is a stone in the middle of this tunnel, I'll move it down the passage so it is out of the way." "This chamber is vacant, I will make it ready to be used for a brood chamber; ready for the next occupant." If some other ant encounters these tasks before me, they perform them and I simply look for something else to do. The task does not fit the ant, the ant simply finds the task.

As I look down on this ant hill from my godly position, I see only a mass of ants. They scurry here and there, each on their own "assigned task" Their ant hill, 100 times bigger than their diminutive size, is a marvel of their accumulated accomplishments.

So, my ant accomplishments are insignificant when you look at the entire ant world. With my smarter than average ant brain, I could decide that the queen ant would never notice if I went down a side passage and had a little nap.

Just don't tell the rest of the ants, because then nothing would get done and the hill would fall to ruin.

I guess I had better do my work after all.

Supposition d)

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It is just as productive to try to predict the plan as it is to try to push it.

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7.1 Km, 36:44.11, Clear 3°C, 7 km wind

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Yesterday was our (Mo & my) first "Faith Enquiry" session at United Church. None of the people I invited to come, actually came and the people who were there I hadn't expected. So my attempt to predict what would happen as well as my efforts to influence what happened both failed.

A strong indication (well, to me anyway) that I navigate the rapids, not control the river.

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We talked about Baptism, Community, and a bit about our expectations for the class.

I felt a bit disappointed about the class, but came away with a very strong need to figure out why I am attending.

What need will Confirmation fill for me?

I liked what Mo said to be about confirmation: "In action and deed, perhaps you are already Confirmed. The ceremony is simply the celebration of what you have already decided" (paraphrased by me, BTW).

I don't feel like there are any particular things I want to learn about the process of Confirmation. I have been going to church for long enough to know how the service works and what the Creed means. I know there is still lots for me to learn, but I am not in a hurry. Why am I here? What is the hurry? Why now?

It just seems like time. I've tossed in my "Blind" and I have received my cards. Now I wait to place my bets and see what is on the "river".

As the Supposition says, it doesn't pay to predict the Plan.

PBG Club: not mere Doofuses

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6.8 Km, 34:00.2, Clear 1°C, 5 km wind

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Today I met not one, but three members of the PBG Club.

First there is Robert. I met Robert as he was out walking his Grand Daughter's dogs Chance and Shadow. He is a very friendly fellow and quick to laugh. He was also carrying a bag of garbage he had collected along his path and some cans he had picked up. I told him I appreciated his efforts to tidy up the neighborhood.

At one point, Chance (who had a large cone shaped veterinarian collar on) dashed across the field to "greet" a lady and her dog. This turned out to be the second PBG Club member. She also admitted that she liked to have a clean neighborhood to walk through. She also cleaned up while she walked her dog.

After 7 years of waiting to encounter people who appreciated my cleaning up on my runs I didn't expect to meet two people with the same idea on the same day!

Then about 3 minutes later, I met another PBGer. This time it was another runner  with a bag full of pop cans. I had never encountered her out running before and have not seen her since. She didn't seem at all embarrassed about being seen carrying bottles. I offered her some of mine, but she didn't want them.

I met all three of these people on the same run! Within 5 minutes time! They are all concerned with how messy the neighborhood is. They all are lending a hand to make a difference. They are all members of the PBG Club

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I like the idea of the Doofus tribe used by nikkip. I would like to start my own tribe too. Hopefully, my tribe will be more uplifting, but it is also tempting to just make it funny. Perhaps I will still illustrate the funniness of people without actually condemning them or laughing at them.

Yah, that sounds about right.

I intend to have a series of these posts, so look for the words PBG Club: in the title

Word of the Day: Arborescent

Word of the day: arborescent found in a quote on the Darwin Awards site:

"Humans are not the end result
of predictable evolutionary progress,
but rather a fortuitous... twig on the
enormously arborescent bush of life"
- Stephen J. Gould

Native Girl

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15 miles, 2:21:11.0, Clear and cool, no wind

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I met a Native Girl on my run today. As Neal said this evening, "I fell in love" instantly. It was as if I had known Her for a long time. This Native Girl is so much like the Spiritual Girl I am seeing now that it was breath-taking.

Unfortunately, like Neal, I saw her for only a brief glance, in passing on the trail. Actually it was one of the few moments that I was not chatting with Neal in 2 ? Hours of running.

Native Spirituality. Everything has a voice; birds, animals, trees, rocks. And Natives claim that they speak to them all. I imagine that a hunter would "hear" a lot from the twigs and blades of grass that have been displaced by his quarry. Moss on a tree tells him the direction he is facing. A bare rock marks a game trail or the den of an animal.

This seems pretty similar to the way the PBGs communicate with me. A bottle here, a playing card there. Perhaps a Milk jug or Jack, my prophetic rabbit. Symbols. Vocabulary from my conversations. I live in the city and the city "talks" to me.

Ok, not exactly to me, perhaps, but through me.

Spam Report: Sara Freder is a Fake

This is a public service announcement.:

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<Ahem>

To those who choose to believe in strange things; beware. Astrology is not exactly a science and not all practitioners are, <Ahem>, exactly, um, honest.

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If this link goes dead, I'll tell you what it said here: Sara Freder is a fake and a lot of people have been suckered by her.

What surprises me most about these people is that none of them seem to consider that Sara Freder is probably not even a real person. Ever wonder who did all the fancy programming for 'her' site? Who set up all the programming for the accounts for people who are silly enough to register?

You might think *I* am crazy for inventing gods of my own, but I don't ask you to send me money.

Well, I thought about doing just that, but the PBGs slapped my hand and told me to get a life.

[Edit] Judging from the number of hits I get from Google searches for Sara Freder(2 or 3 A DAY!), there are a LOT of people who wonder about Sara Freder's service. If you want to get rich, try becoming a Motley Fool instead. With a small monthly investment you will gradually make that million you are hankering for. Once you are a millionaire, who can help being sexually attractive?

Suggestion 7

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What's important is not what others think of you, but what you think is Right.

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10.2 Km (hills), 49:26.5, Sunny 15°C, light wind

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It's a wonder that I learn these things at all. For days and days (ok, so it has been my entire life, what of it) the PBGs have been pounding me with the same message over and over. It's one of those types of messages that you know in the back of your mind, but you choose to ignore it. How else could I miss something so obvious.

If you are outward focused like me, you are pretty sensitive to other peoples' mood. Sometimes you feel like you can read their minds just by watching how they react. Over a lifetime you get pretty good at it. But often, if you take the trouble to ask them, you usually get a surprise. They invariably are thinking something quite different than what you expect. Sometimes they are busy with their own lives (The NERVE!) and not thinking about you at all.

I was running hills today and saw a woman who was running hills too. She was going slower than me, but seemed to be a pretty good runner and being very relaxed about her exercise. I was thinking, "I wonder what she thinks of me", my efforts, my form, etc. Then it occurred to me that she didn't even seem to recognize that I was there running past her again and again.

The observation that she wasn't even aware of me, caused me to be aware of all the other reminders from the PBGs. They have been trying to get me to not be so obsessed with myself and how I appear to others.

So what if my 'gems of wisdom', my 'unique perspectives' are languishing in obscurity. If I am to write, I should write because I have something worth saying.

If someone finds my viewpoint valuable, that is what the PBGs intended. If not, just as the PBGs predicted, this is a valuable side trip from my path that I have learned from.Yes, MTRF, you told me that weeks ago, but there is hearing and there is understanding.

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Yesterday, there was a bus driver who was acting in a very OOPBGB'ish way. He was being extra friendly, asking trivia questions, wishing riders a 'good day' over the loud speaker...

If you have ridden an ETS bus, you will know that this is extremely un-bus-driverly. I was supposing what other passengers thought of this behavior. "He's crazy", "Is he drunk", "He seems to be in a good mood", "Is he serious?", "Where did this guy escape from?". Those are the thoughts I would worry about, if I was that bus driver.

I don't really know what all those people thought (I was probably close, but I bet there were some people that thought other things). But what was more intriguing to me was what the bus driver thought he was doing. What was his motivation? Why was he acting so strangely? Did he know that it seemed strange (I am betting he did, but that he did it anyway)? What did he hope to accomplish? And, did it work? Were people positively affected by his unusual behavior?

To act with purpose (any purpose) is to go beyond just thinking.

Right or wrong, an action is better than just a thought. And a fear of a thought, which kills an action, is murder in high degree.

Bridge to a new Stanza

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6.8 Km, 34:42.28, Sunny 2°C, Light wind

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This morning the PBGs confided that my online journal writing is just a bridge to carry me to a new path. They have been hinting this for weeks.

We came to this conclusion by reflecting on where I've been so far with Them. I've run many miles with Them now and They have lead me down many new paths. I am starting Boy's Group for the second year and it has a very different feel to it. It is still exciting, but it doesn't seem to be as risky as it was last year. I will have to work harder to make it fresh again.

The point is, new things and the associated reason for doing them turn into old things. If you continue doing them for a long time, often the reasons you started doing them fall away and are replaced by new reasons. More often than not, the old reasons are replaced simply by a mindless habit.

It takes hard work to keep your workout fresh!

Boy´s Group.

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Non Run Day

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Today was my first Church Boy's Group. My lack of planning meant that most of the church didn't know that today was the first day. Sigh. There were 4 boys (counting my own son). They are keen though.

We played foot ball, and invented a new game that involved lots of running around, up and down the stairs of the church. I think this new game is just a little too dangerous.

Speaking of dangerous, I proposed building a go-cart to the boys. I told them they would have to be on their best behavior and that we would need a few more boys to make a go of it. I think they were excited about the project. I only hope to PBGs I can pull this off.

I think with the help of other men in the congregation, I will have sufficient help to build this little project. The more men and boys I can bring into it, the better. Get those dads involved with their sons, or other people's sons. Kids just don't get enough quality time with their male role models. Men just don't make enough time to be with their young boys.

I hope I can make some men see that it is important to do things with kids. I hope I can fill some of those empty holes in my boys' hearts with excitement and feelings of accomplishment.

Most of all I hope I don't make a fool of myself. Oh, maybe that is just Servant Two tripping me up again.

A Matter of Focus

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6.8 Km, 34:00.2, Sunny 6°C, light wind

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There are two main facets of my life to this point.

1. I don't want to be predictable and I strive to be different from the run of the mill person, and
2. my best yardstick for my achievement is what other people think of me.

These two servants help me stagger my way through lift.

Servant One helps me to be spontaneous, creative, unique, flexible and humorous. But the bumbling fool gets in the way of my sticking to a schedule, planning things out carefully, being repeatable and being consistent. Servant Two helps me be a very be conscientious, sensitive to other peoples feelings, responsive, loving and giving. In short, Two helps me care. Two trips me up too, though. He keeps me from seeing my own value, makes me second guess my own accomplishments, has me feeling insufficient and makes me long to 'prove myself' all the time.

These two servants are part of the central core of me. They influence everything I do and think. They never leave my side. Their positive aspects add light to my life and their negative aspects have a detrimental effect on my sense of well being.

The catch is that I can't let these servants go without losing the better half of me. I can't dismiss the self reproving and retain the hard worker. I would have to let go of the spontaneity along with the erratic planning style.

Do you have servants that are the root of both good things and bad things in your life?

What are they?

Come on, take a chance and tell me about it.

... And the Thought That Didn´t

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6.8 Km, 34:17.3, Partly Cloudy 6°C, 10 km wind

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I have been meaning to write about something that was first related to me by the PBGs a couple of weeks ago. That particular weekend was swamped with other messages and feelings, so this minor Idea was forgotten for a while.

I was complaining to the PBGs that they weren't very good at telling stories. "Life," I said, "is very random and it is hard to find the meaning in a lot of what happens to us on a daily basis." You would think that They, being masters of randomness and coincidence and all, would be somewhat apologetic about this "weakness" in their dominion over the world.

But no. In Their usual dismissive, yet completely serious manner, They said:

"It is you Humans who like to tell stories."

(Actually it may have been "... you, Human, who likes to tell stories." Either one applies, but they are quite different and I am not sure which one is better)

That (those?) statement(s) seem very clear to me, but perhaps I should elaborate a bit for the sake of the reader.

We like to tell ourselves and others stories. We expect life to follow the script. We look for the happily ever after endings.

God, on the other hand, deals with "what is". God doesn't live in Hollywood. God's Plan wasn't commissioned in Hollywood either. Life doesn't start with a problem, move through a climax and end in resolution in 2 1/2 hours. Sure there is some "character development" in Life, but sometimes that seems accidental.

• Life is messy and we hate it for that. We want life to be neat and tidy
• Like a Sit-Com, we want life to have a purpose, message, interesting characters and be over in an hour, tops.
• We demand that the bad guys get punished
• We expect the Hero to get the Girl
• in a really good story, we want to see growth in the principle characters.

In Real life, however, the good guy often dies. Sometimes even prematurely, for no good reason (as far as we can tell, anyway). Often what should happen, doesn't. The resolution refuses to come. The Happy Ending dreamed of remains a heart-felt wish.

(whew, how depressing! Keep reading, it gets less heavy from here)

So my point of view is that it is important for us story tellers (i.e. you and me) to get out there and make the stories come true. Because *WE* have the sense that the stories outcomes are important, *WE* have to be the authors of the actions that *MAKE* those stories come true. The PBGs assist, but *WE* are the story tellers.

Perhaps that isn't as "very clear", as even I thought it was. Who is telling the story? Us? The PBGs? I guess I will have to wait until I read the last chapter.

Stay Strong

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Non-running day, Partly Cloudy, 8°C, 8 km wind

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A 'friend' from New Zealand brought me a new phrase today. "Kia Kaha", which means "Stand Strong" or "Stay Strong" in the Maori language te reo Maori.

I like the encouragement part of this saying. If I can help you be strong and you can help me be strong we will be strong together. That is a tenant worthy of the PBGs or any faith worth its salt! P.S. Mo will especially like the first 'kia kaha' link

The Thought That Got Away

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8.81 Km, 47:44.5, Clear & cold 1°C, 17 km wind

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I had something I was going to write here, but I just couldn't figure out how to express it.

Bus Friend

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I like Frazz. It is a lot like Calvin and Hobbs, but is much gentler. It is also about a runner, like me, which is also good.

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I met one of my bus friends on the bus today and introduced her to my son. She is a teacher's aid in one of the elementary schools in Edmonton. She is also slightly retarded. A special person though. She is always bright and cheery. She talks a lot and asks a tonne of questions. She was quizzing my son on his French vocabulary. A definite PPBG if I ever saw one.

Promiscuous Faith

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6.8 Km, 33:25.5, Light Snow 4°C, 11 km wind

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Skunked. Not a single can or bottle. No signs from the PBGs at all.

I think the Guys have noticed that I have been looking around. I have been trying on different faiths to see how they feel. How do I like the fit of Deism? What is this Gnosticism I've heard about at the water cooler? Am I closer to Secular Humanism or Religious Humanism? I called up my old flame, Agnosticism, just to confirm that I am firmly out of her tent now.

And what about her seductive sister Atheism. Naw, she was never really my type, although she certainly appeals to my logical mind.

There are lots of girls in the spiritual meat market. Take a look at this list for starters. Here are some that I have heard about, but haven't dated yet:

• Bah'i
• Buddhism
• Confucianism
• Hinduism
• Islam
• Jainism
• Native American
• Noahidism
• Pagan
• Pantheism
• Shintoism
• Taoism
• Unitarian Universalism
• Zoroastrianism

Really, Guys, I am just sowing my wild oats here. I need to play the field before I make any ever-lasting commitments. Surely you understand that? Don't tell me you are jealous gods! That's a mark against you, in my books.

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Okay, you caught me. For the sake of a good story I told a little fib. When I said that I was skunked, that wasn't completely true. At the end of my run I did get a bottle.

Not completely abandoned. Still there listening to me, just reserving Their judgment. As beings far more mature than I, They know that I need a little wiggle room. They provide me with breathing space. They are not in any hurry what-so-ever.

"Besides," They flippantly add, "All roads lead inexorably to us, so take your pick."

Recommissioning Sunday

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6.8 Km, 34:00.2, Overcast 1 °C, 5 km wind

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Continued from yesterday

... Then I got to thinking about how I "control" the PBGs. My thoughts are in the drivers seat. It is my agenda that is on the table. They make comments about, and additions to my monologue, but it is me who is the script writer.

Am I so vain as to think that I am "writing" myself a better part in God's play?

Actually, no. In truth, I don't delude myself that way. Deep down I know who is in charge. I realize that I have influence on what happens around me, but that I have a very tenuous control. It would take very little for my 'house of cards' world that I have built up around me to come toppling down.

The fact that I have any influence at all in this crazy mixed up world is the true blessing. That is why it is so important that I use the gifts God has given me to enhance the world around me. I cannot change the overall map of the Plan, but I still have the free will to mark my own trail on it.

In fact , the Plan is the result of the sum total of all of Humanities reaction to what it is to be alive.

When stated that way, it is obvious that I have a say, but that I am not in control.

Whose God is it Anyway?

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6 Km, 30:10.0, Sunny, 5°C, 7 km wind

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Mo & I ran together again today; I am so proud of her (OK, so maybe I am hoping she will read this and I'll get brownie points). She has progressed to running 4 min. and walking 1 min. Yeah Mo! You can do it! (Neal says, "Time to move up to 5:1's")

While Mo was with me, she was trying to interpret what the PBGs were saying. "Whoa there!... isn't that my job? That isn't how I would interpret what was said at all...", I said.

I guess I don't want to lose control of my gods.

On reflection, however, it makes sense that they talk differently to her than they do to me. She has read my journal right from the very beginning and has seen the concept developing since I collected the first pop can. But she is on a Different Path and is engaged in an entirely different Conversation.

No wonder they speak differently to her.

More about controlling the PBGs tomorrow...

A Dream for Hunter

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8.81 Km, 44:09.1, Light showers 12°C, 10 km wind

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I had another brief chat with Hunter today. He keeps showing up on his porch just as I go by. It is almost like he is waiting for me to come along.

Today he was concerned about a bad dream he had last night. He told me that in his dream, a drunk from across the street came and picked him up, hurting him. He described the man as having a black shirt with a red dragon on the front.

Interested, I asked him to draw me a picture of the man and to post it in his front window where I would see it the next time I went by. I told him I was interested in seeing what his black shirted man looked like.

So, Hunter is OOPBGB today. He has his sword drawn and will chase down his fears. He will draw a box around his evil dream and confine it to the 2D world of paper and crayon.

Go forth valiant young knight, be afraid no more!

Suggestion 6

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Humor. It is a gift from the gods. Use it wisely.

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Apparently, the sixth Suggestion is NOT about pushing the Plan as foretold by some lowly prophet. It has to do with breaking the ice with strangers. There is nothing as good as humor for breaking through someone's reserve; to catch them unawares. It is most successful when it is something undeniably true, positive in nature and just a tiny bit silly.

But wisdom is also required when using humor. One must use careful timing. One must be responsive to the mood of the target. One must be cautious about seeming to be laughing at the person instead of the much more desirable laughter with the person.

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EDIT:Got any other ideas on how humor is a gift from the gods?

Drop me a note about it and I'll include it here

• Mo: Posted 9.17.2003 11:47 AM - my special someone. Like fire, humor can warm the soul or burn the fingers and takes lots of practice. I follow that ancient clown, Jesus, who talked of being non-judgmental and kind but having goofy stories to make a point (anyone tried sewing with a camel stuck in their needle recently???).
• MissFlibberty: Posted 9.18.2003 5:15 PM Some of the best humour can be found in normal, everyday events and occurrences - and all of our every day things are gifts from God! In finding humour in these everyday happenings we are recognizing God in all things- maybe helps stop us from taking them for granted.
• Nobody else is brave enough to be listed here yet